So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dear god my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
