recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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