you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
