no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
porn star boner night. come get it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
