K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
