No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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