I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
