Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i believe in u and ur pee
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
