I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
