yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
