So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
