I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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