its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
