the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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