watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
