the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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