"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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