You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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