if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
soo... how was my night?
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