yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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