You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
