Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
how drunk are you?
Several
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
