They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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