you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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