I wish I could punch you in the face.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
