New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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