are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
