fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
