member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
