You really coming over, don't trick.
sarcasm needs its own font
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
