Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
