I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
