i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
