i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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