mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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