Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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