just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
