this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
