i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
