I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
