We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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