I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
