i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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