Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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