I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
