smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
