i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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