Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
