Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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