I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
