this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
