Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
