I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
