I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
