He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just googled if crying burns calories
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
