I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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