I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
